DEADPOOL AND

Transcript:
Deadpool, Deadpool, and Rob. | Deadpool, Deadpool, and Rob.

Transcript:
DECLAN SWANS: [singing]
Invested so much as a penny Bring on the Deadpool
and Rob McElhenney | DECLAN SWANS: [singing]
Invested so much as a penny Bring on the Deadpool
and Rob McElhenney

Transcript:
Mr. Paradox: I don't understand. How are you two still alive?
Deadpool: You were right. One of us would have been killed. But you put a Deadpool and a Wolverine together, make 'em hold hands while listening to Madonna? Indestructible, motherfucker.

Transcript:
Dopinder:
You're my Tom Cruise!
Deadpool:
And you're my Kristen Dunst!
[to himself]

Deadpool:
Kristen? Kirsten? | You're my Tom Cruise And you're my Kristen Dunst Kristen Kirsten

Transcript:
Deadpool: [to Cassandra; after she read his mind] My brain could taste your fingers and they tasted like hate!
[yells at the crowd]
Deadpool: And where in God's name is the intimacy coordinator? | My ...

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Elliot Chipman: Holy shit. That's Deadpool.
Kevin Chipman: And that's Wolverine.
Deadpool: You're damn straight it is. Fox killed him. Disney brought him back. They're gonna make him do this till he's...

Transcript:
Wade Wilson: Who are you?
Nicepool: Oh, I'm Deadpool. And I guess you're Deadpool, too. But in here, everybody calls me Nicepool. Oh, my goodness, wait 'til you see Ladypool. She is gorgeous. She just...

Transcript:
[frustrated with Deadpool after her IKEA furniture collapses]

Blind Al:
I wish I'd never heard of Craigslist.
Deadpool:
And I quote: "Looking for roommate. Blind to life's imperfections. Must be goo...

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Negasonic Teenage Warhead:
You guys going for a bite? Early bird special?
Deadpool:
Oh, like there's something wrong with eating before sundown or saving money. No, you know that bad guy that you let...

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Deadpool:
[to the audience]
I know right? You're probably thinking, "Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie"? I can't tell you his name, but it rhymes with "Polverine."
[In an Aust...

Transcript:
Deadpool: [beating Nicepool's lifeless body] God damnit! I don't think he's gonna make it. But he died a hero.
Wolverine: He died from murder, you dumb fuck!
Deadpool: And all I have to remember him b...

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And as I saidwe've got a standard three-year… bumper to bumper warranty. Glad you gave us a second chance. And don't worry. Wade and I are a team,so I'll see he gets half the commission… That feels...

Transcript:
Deadpool:
I should've come and found you sooner, but the guy under this mask, he ain't the same one that you remember.
Vanessa Carlysle:
You mean this mask?
[takes off mask to reveal cheap paper mas...

Transcript:
B-15: Let's get this Deadpool variant back to the Void.
Deadpool: Wait, hold on. What?
Peter: [hurrying in] Nope. Actually, this one's homegrown, like me. He belongs here.
B-15: And you are?
Peter: Pe...

Transcript:
Deadpool: So just to refresh, you are Wonder...
Elektra: Elektra.
Deadpool: Elektra? Yes, Who could forget?
[to Blade]
Deadpool: And you. I wasn't expecting to see you here. I thought you were, you kn...

Transcript:
f shit. Mm. Mm-hmm. Fine indeed. All right. Put your greasy tits away,you preening slut. I don't understand. How are you two still alive? You were right.One of us would have been killed. But you puta Deadpool and a Wolverine together… make 'em hold handswhile listening to Madonna… indestructible, motherfucker. Let's get this Deadpool Variantback to The Void. -Wait, hold on. What?-Nope. Actually… This one's ho

Transcript:
Deadpool:
And you are?
Negasonic Teenage Warhead:
Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
Deadpool:
Negasonic Teenage... what the shit? That's the coolest name ever! | And you are Negasonic Teenage Warhead Negas...

Scene Description:
a man in a deadpool costume is looking at another man in a suit.

Transcript:
Deadpool: And who's this succulent reminder of my own inadequacies? Look at you. You look like the superhero version of Hawkeye.
Gambit: The name's Remy LeBeau, Le Diable Blanc. But you can call me th...

Transcript:
Shit. That fucking does it! Put your hands behind your knees
and get down in your head, now! Wade! What was first rule? Label everything in
the refrigerator! - Do not escalate!
- Rules are meant to be...

Transcript:
Dopinder:
My romantic rival, Bandhu. He's tied up in the trunk. I'm doing as you said, DP. I plan to gut him like a polluted fish, then dump his carcass on Gita's doorstep.
Deadpool:
I did not tell h...

Transcript:
Deadpool:
And that's why "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" is pure pornography.
Dopinder:
Wow!
Domino:
I really should have stayed in college... | And that's a twist When this is over I'm going to...

Scene Description:
a woman sits in a car with a no smoking sign in the background.

Transcript:
Yeah, it's me, Deadpool, and I got an offerthat you can't refuse. | Yeah it's me Deadpool and I got an offer that you can't refuse I'm gonna wait out here okay It's a big house It's funny that I only...

Transcript:
But it's good to see ya. I gotta be honest,I've always wanted to ride with you, Log. You and me getting into it. Deadpool and Wolverine just fuckin' shit up. Can you imagine the fun, the chaos… the residuals? "G'day, mate. "There's nothing that'llbring me back to life faster… "than a big bag of Marvel cash." Me too, Hugh. B

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Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Hey, Douche-Pool!Deadpool: And I hope *you're* watching -Colossus:Quite unfortunate...Deadpool: THAT DOES IT!Deadpool:Ooh! Oh, Canada! That's not good... | Hey douche pool...

Transcript:
Negasonic Teenage Warhead:
[pointing behind Deadpool]
Hey, Douche-Pool!
Deadpool:
[turns around]
And I hope *you're* watching -
[gasps in horror, as Ajax has disappeared]

Colossus:
Quite unfortunat...

Scene Description:
deadpool and deadpool are standing in front of a building.

Transcript:
Weasel: And last but not least... Peter.
Deadpool: Any power you wanna tell us about?
Peter: I don't... I don't have one. Um, I just saw the ad.
Deadpool: No superpowers at all?
Peter: Uh, I have both...

Scene Description:
a deadpool and a deadpool sitting at a desk.

Transcript:
Deadpool:
And you, chicken noodle... Nothing compares to you. Sinéad O'Connor, 1990. Sorry
Negasonic Teenage Warhead:
That's all right. You're cool.
Deadpool:
[Gasps]
What in the ass? That was not m...

Scene Description:
a group of people are standing in a room with a pile of debris.

Transcript:
Ripley, from Alien 3! Fuck, you're old. Fake laugh. Hiding real pain. Go get Silver Balls. You guys going for a bite?Early bird special? Like there's something wrong witheating before sundown or...

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Headmaster:
All you dirty mutants are gonna rot in hell with the boy! Your souls are beyond redemption!
Cable:
[pulls out a knife]
Let's see YOUR soul, perv!
Deadpool:
No! No! No! No more! We're bet...

Scene Description:
a group of people are standing in front of a burning building.

Transcript:
[Colossus is reading a book when he hears music outside. He sees Deadpool playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" on his smartphone before covering his ears]

Deadpool:
I made mistakes! I wanna take th...

Transcript:
No, you know that bad guythat you let go? | No you know that bad guy that you let go He's got my girl You're gonna help me get her back Wade Is that you Yeah it's me Deadpool and I got an offer that...

Transcript:
Deadpool:
[During the final battle]
Bob?
Bob:
Wade?
Deadpool:
Oh, my God. I haven't seen you since...
Bob:
Jacksonville.
Deadpool:
TGI.
Deadpool, Bob:
Fridays.
Deadpool:
Well, what the hell...

Transcript:
Deadpool:
[Cutting off his arm and spraying blood in Colussus' face]
Are you there God? It's me, Margaret! | Are You There God It's Me Margaret

Scene Description:
a deadpool character in a scene from deadpool.

Transcript:
[Fires at Ajax multiple times and misses]

Deadpool:
Bad Deadpool!
[Shoots another bad guy in the head]

Deadpool:
Good Deadpool. | Bad Deadpool Seven Good Deadpool

Scene Description:
a black chevy truck is driving down a busy highway.

Transcript:
(gentle music) It was Pennywise and Deadpool. | (gentle music) It was Pennywise and Deadpool.

Transcript:
Bandhu? Leave a message
and have a happy day. God damn it! I'm gonna do this
the old fashioned way... with two swords
and maximum effort. Cue the music. | Bandhu? Leave a message
and have a happy day....

Scene Description:
a person is sitting in a car with a clock on the back of it.

Transcript:
Weasel:
Oh, shit.
Wade Wilson:
What?
Weasel:
I put all my money on you and now I just realized I'm never going to win the, uh...
Wade Wilson:
Dead pool.
[thinks for a moment]

Wade Wilson:
Captain...

Transcript:
[Deadpool sneaks into a maternity ward and approaches one of the babies]

Deadpool:
Boy, howdy. Hi. This is a toughie. Yeesh. Oh, yes. You're already practicing your little salute, huh? Yes, you are. ...

Scene Description:
a man in a deadpool costume stands in front of a framed picture.

Transcript:
[Ajax, atop a downed helicarrier, sees Deadpool, Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead arriving at junkyard]

Ajax:
WADE WILSON! What's my name?
Deadpool:
[under his breath]
Ooooh, I'mma fuckin' spe...

Scene Description:
a group of people stand in a parking lot with a sign that says deadpool on it.

Transcript:
[from leaked test footage]

Deadpool:
There's no easy way to say this... I'm pregnant, Trevor! | And that's exactly what this is a love story

Scene Description:
a deadpool mask sits in the back of a car.

Transcript:
Four... Gotcha. Right up main street. Three, two! Stupid! Worth it. | Four... Gotcha. Right up main street. Three, two! Stupid! Worth it.

Scene Description:
a car is parked in front of a cityscape.

Transcript:
Deadpool: Fuck it. Superhero landing comin' up.
[jumps out of building and lands on knees]
Deadpool: Ooh! Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. That is *so* not practical. | Fuck it Superhero landing comi...

Scene Description:
a young boy sits at a table with a pencil in front of him.

Transcript:
Deadpool:
I didn't ask to be super, and I'm no hero. But when you find out your worst enemy is after your best girl, the time has come to be a fucking superhero. | he can't do the one thing I'm keepin...

Scene Description:
a deadpool character is wearing a red and black outfit.

Transcript:
Deadpool:
There are no words. Me and you are headed to fix this butterface.
Ajax:
What? You stupid fucking idiot. Did you really think there was a cure... for that?
Deadpool:
What?
Ajax:
You heard ...

Transcript:
Remember when I let you watch Deadpool 2,
and you promised you wouldn't tell Mom? | Remember when I let you watch Deadpool 2,
and you promised you wouldn't tell Mom?

Transcript:
For example, "Dirty
Harry", "Atomic Blonde", "Tomb Raider", "Taxi Driver", "Deadpool" one, two and probably
three. | For example, "Dirty
Harry", "Atomic Blonde", "Tomb Raider", "Taxi Driver", "Deadpoo...

Transcript:
Deadpool:
41 confirmed kills. Now it's 80. About to be 90.
Recruiter:
Mr. Wilson?
Deadpool:
Ding-ding.
Recruiter:
You're looking very alive.
Deadpool:
Ha! Only on the outside!
Recruiter:
This is ...

Scene Description:
a blurry photo of a man with his mouth open.

Transcript:
[first lines]

Deadpool:
Kinda lonesome back here.
[wedges himself through the Plexiglas opening between the back seat and the front]

Deadpool:
Yeah, little help. | of assholes named Francis where w...

Transcript:
Colossus:
[Deadpool is about to shoot Ajax]
Wade! Four or five moments.
Deadpool:
I'm sorry?
Colossus:
Four or five moments - that's all it takes.
Deadpool:
To...?
Colossus:
Be a hero.
Ajax:
[gro...

Scene Description:
a scene of a scene with a deadpool on the ground.

Transcript:


Fred Savage:
Gotta prefer Marvel movies.
Deadpool:
We are Marvel.
Fred Savage:
Yeah, but you're, you know, Marvel licensed by Fox. It's kinda like if the Beatles were produced by Nickelback. It's ...

Scene Description:
a man in a deadpool costume is looking at a man in a suit.

Transcript:
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: We're X-Men.
Deadpool: No, you're X-People.
Negasonic Teenage Warhead: You're X-hausting.
Deadpool: I see what you did there. Puns. | Besides we're X Men No you're X People ...

Scene Description:
a woman in a yellow and black outfit with a yellow button that says xtreme.

Transcript:
Deadpool:
[Wishing for the Vanisher's safety landing]
Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see.
[the Vanisher hits electrical wires and gets electrocuted]

Deadpool:
Really? | Maybe the wind can't...

Transcript:
Dopinder:
I presume a crisp high five?
Deadpool:
For you? 10.
[slaps Dopinder a double high-five]

Deadpool:
[to Colossus and Negasonic]
Okay, guys, let's get out there and make a difference.
Deadp...

Transcript:
Colossus:
You've been warned before, Deadpool. This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. You will both be coming with us.
Deadpool:
Look, Colossus, I don't have time for the goody two-shoes...

Transcript:
Deadpool:
Four or five moments. That's all it takes to be a hero. People think you wake up a hero, brush your teeth a hero, ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. But now, being a hero, it's only a f...

Scene Description:
a deadpool character wears a mask in a scene from deadpool.

Transcript:
Deadpool: Yes, your underwear's getting tighter. | And yes your underwear is getting tighter

Transcript:
Deadpool:
A hush fall over the crowd as rookie sensation Wade W. Wilson out of Regina, Saskatchewan, lines up the shot. His form looks good.
[kicks Francis in the head]

Deadpool:
Oh! And that's why ...

Scene Description:
a truck that has a green sign above it

Transcript:
[Deadpool travels back to the moment before Peter is killed]

Deadpool:
Peter!
Peter:
Whoo! X-Force!
Deadpool:
Walk away! Just walk away!
Peter:
But we're X-Force!
Deadpool:
Nope! We're not. X-For...

Transcript:
Deadpool: [to the superheroes] Look, we came a long way to find you three...
Elektra: There's four of us.
Deadpool: There's four of you... is it Magneto? Dear sweet God in heaven, let it be Magneto, '...

Transcript:
I really like the,the art in the Deadpool comics. You know, I just always felt akind of a kinship to him. And I just thought,I'd like to play that guy someday. | I really like the the art in the...

Transcript:
Weasel:Oh, shit.Wade Wilson:What?Weasel:I put all my money on you and now I just realized I'm never going to win the, uh...Wade Wilson:Dead pool.Wade Wilson:Captain Deadpool... No, just...Weasel, Wade...

Transcript:
But it's good to see ya. I gotta be honest, I've alwayswanted to ride with you, Log. You and me getting into it. Deadpool and Wolverinejust fuckin' shit up. Can you imagine the fun, the chaos... the residuals? "G'day, mate. "There's nothing that'llbring me back to life faster "than a big bag of Marvel cash." Me too, Hugh. B

Transcript:
And as I said,we've got a standard three-year bumper to bumper warranty. Glad you gave us a second chance. And don't worry. Wade and I are a team, so I'll see he gets half the commission-- Whoa. That...

Transcript:
Deadpool:
Hang in there, baby! I gotcha! I got a plan. You're not gonna like it.
[Deadpool throws Vanessa into the oxygen chamber as it rolls down the carrier and stops on the edge of it, Wade holds ...

Scene Description:
a close up of a computer screen with a red book on it.

Transcript:
[after Deadpool realizes Cable traveled back in time to save him]
Deadpool: You time-sliding son of a bitch. You did this for me? Wait, you can't go back. You used the last of your fuel. What about yo...

Transcript:
Deadpool:
Okay guys, I only have twelve bullets, so you're all going to have to share! | Fine I only have 12 bullets so you're gonna have to share

Scene Description:
a window with bullet holes in it and a building in the background.

Transcript:
Deadpool: [after she's captured by Deadpool using Juggernaut's helmet] You're gonna send us home or I'm gonna twist your f*cking head off.
Deadpool: [Cassandra laughs] Why are you laughing?
Cassandra ...

Transcript:
Deadpool: Fuck, this is gonna hurt.
[Looks down at his guns, then looks over and sees two magazines of ammunition lying nearby]
Deadpool: Alright! Fuck it! Let's give the people what they came for.
Wo...

Transcript:
Deadpool: What do you do, exactly?
Gambit: Charge the playing cards and make 'em go boom.
Deadpool: Your power's close-up magic. That's good. We're not totally fucked at all. So, who... who brought us...